Feel the Pain
by Moonsetta
Summary: Based on episode "Tales of Leo" What's it like when you're in a coma and what's it like when you're avoiding death's call while in that coma?


I always wondered what people went through when they were in a coma. Most either forget or it's all a big blank. Anyways I was watching the episode 'Tales of Leo' and this sprung up at 10:34pm.

I was particularly interested in how Leo only seemed to respond to Raph, even as Donny and Mikey were talking to him. Oh and I have to say Leo is one tough turtle.

Hey, throughout the "Shredder Strikes Back" episodes he's managed to survive an attack of 100 foot ninja, two or three fights against Hun, an encounter against a total of six foot-tech ninjas, a lethal battle with Shedder's Elite Guard, being thrown through a window and being thrown into a steel support beam by Hun, while permanently denting it.

Yet somehow after all that he finds enough energy somewhere to jump to his feet and try to stop the Shredder from attacking Master Splinter. You know I think he came out of that coma just for fun.

Let's see I'm in critical condition and on my death bed. I'm bored, I know I'll break out of a coma!

What a turtle. Well this goes out to my fellow turtle lovers! Oh and by the way my pet turtle, Willie, says hi.

* * *

My eyes are darkness. I can feel the heat of a near and large raging fire. All I can do is observe the world through my remaining senses and guess at what is happening. The most obvious, is the fire, only a few feet away. There are noises but I can't understand who's there and who is saying what.

The left side of my body is tilted at an angle but I'm standing up. Someone and someone else, who is much shorter, are supporting me. I recognize the soft fur of the shorter one, my father. The other figure though, I can't conclude. It could be any of my brothers, or Casey or April for all I know. The voices say no words but my brain does register the sounds of voices. A moment later, it lessens even more, now I have to rely on sensing the wavelengths of sounds as they float across the air.

The wheels of fate have blinded me and now silence is the only sound I hear. I fell suddenly sharp, short vibrations through the floor. Someone's hitting something quickly and in rapid succession. The flames are growing hotter, the air is getting thicker.

I breathe and focus on that for what seems like forever. There's just me and the air circulating through my lungs. That's my world, that's all there is and it's peaceful because it just makes sense. I'm moving again, well someone's moving me because my limbs are too heavy and I'm drifting away.

I'm unaware of time but out of the blue it's easier to breathe because the air is now cold. My limbs are heavier but I can breathe. Then I realize that it's bad! Water's raining down on me making my muscles relax, putting my mind at ease and making me want to let the thicker darkness calling for me take over.

There's pain, oh yes there's much pain. Pain many wouldn't understand, pain that would kill many people. It's just pain though, right? It's just pain…

Forever it seems I get lost in my head. I can never tell if it's minutes or hours before I feel something new. There's cold metal, then something warm wrapped around me. I fell something on my forehead. The touch is comforting but I refuse to be at ease. I'd leave and travel away from my body and mind, that demon called death would claim my body.

I don't want to open my eyes, afraid that I'll see my family with faces full of fear and worry. It's colder now, so much that's it's burning my skin. Once again the air is growing colder, the feeling of a rough wind nipping at my nerves. The scent of fire is long gone, though the feeling of heat remains. Ice over ice burns more deadly than any flame.

More shifting and I'm moving again. Then I'm lowered down onto something soft. They lay me down on what I guess is a bed or couch. The feeling of a familiar hand on my head almost makes me try to murmur something but it's gone. Someone lifts my hand onto my stomach then a weight's placed over me. A thick comforter.

"…sewer."

A short sharp shock to me. Sewer? My home, my family. Why won't I wake up? It's hard but I have to try. The shock gives me the energy and the will to force something from my lungs. A crackling groan escapes me as the air becomes sliding sandpaper against my throat. I no longer have that strength and my hearing falls back into the utter deafness of shadows.

I'm in the dark again. I try to focus, the feel of the blanket over me, a brand new fire is some distance away but it's safe, for the feeling of its heat is controlled. There's no danger like the rapidly disincarnating flames that only how long ago cornered me?

I can't tell so don't ask me about time, it's a minute, an hour, a life, an eternity. They're all the same now.

There's a sudden vibration I feel and then the miracle happens once again, my mind straining to just hear.

A familiar growl then the voice, "Why won't he wake up?!"

That voice I recognize, my immediate younger brother, Raphael.

I'm going to wake up I know I am! I can't find strength to force anything from my mouth.

A warm fire, a warm blanket, a soft pillow. No they shouldn't. I'm at ease, but I shouldn't be. I can feel the darkness from the evil demon in the corner of my mind. Putting me at ease will make me let go and I don't want to leave. My family, my world is here. I can't leave!

There's that weight on my forehead again and I'm tempted to let go because its from a comforting presence. I fight it back because I don't want to let go! This isn't helping!

There's continuous vibrations in the air again which means someone's talking but I can't tell who. Silence remains the only sound. I turn my focus to breathing. Two lifetimes pass and now I'm shivering. Forcing my muscles to quiver. It makes it harder to breath but that's ok because the demon is receding. If I'm in pain or if I'm struggling it means I'm alive. So this is good.

The vibrations halt their movements, then a few follow in short reprimands.

Then it happens again, that voice breaking through, "Heh, looks like you got him hanging on your every word Don."

My little brothers, Raph and Don. Raph's voice and Donny's name. I latch onto them both and force something from my dried out throat.

I can only manage to speak a breath when I mean to call to my brother. I meant to say his name but my voice is buried as I force the muscles in my neck to move.

The energy's lost again and I redirect my focus on my breathing and try to pilot some energy into opening my eyes. The absence of sound is deafening and it terrifies me so I want to see what's happening what has happened while this darkness has been attempting to consume me.

Now there's more vibrations in the air, they have more energy than the last ones. The feeling of a presence that's happier but worried at the same time.

Breathing's easier now and the demon's still vanishing. I've stopped trying to open my eyes for the time being because all I want to do is breathe. I realized the vibrations became more rushed as I put more energy into something other than my breathing. So I focus on breathing because then the presence is less worried, as long as I'm breathing.

Breathing…I think we all take it for granted… Maybe those with lung cancer, asthma or bronchitis are thankful than most for the breaths they can barely manage to take.

"Heh," there's the voice of my little brother again, "If you ask me Leo's not coming back because he's afraid."

Yes, I am. I'm afraid, scared of what I'll see in everyone's eyes but suddenly it doesn't matter because that voice gives me the strength to hold on and the will to direct more energy that I didn't know I had to opening my eyes and becoming conscious once again.

More vibrations ring out, someone else is talking but I can't hear the voice. They're the previous ones, quick and energetic but now they're larger, a sign of a rising voice, maybe fear or irritation surrounding the being.

"No he got his but whooped and now he's too chicken to come back and face it!"

Oh yes, that is Raph. That hothead turtle that I couldn't live without. If I could I would smile, because normally I'd be throwing other words back at him. We're always at odds but he makes me second guess myself in battle. I couldn't be a leader without him.

Old vibrations suddenly jump in, the ones that had been there first before I heard for the first time in forever. Again, I can't understand it but I'm relieved when I can hear the next words that are said.

"Well I say who needs you? It's not we can't get on without you playing 'Fearless Leader'."

I smile, at least in my head. One day I'm going to tell him I love that nickname. I mentally laugh as I imagine his reaction.

Fearless Leader: A very honorable name, especially coming from my little brother

Splinter Jr.: This one just makes me laugh. I can imagine myself in a rat costume.

Silence is back and I'm panicking. No! Why has he stopped talking!? I feel myself fading back into the dark recesses of my mind again, towards that black demon.

There's the vibrations of teeth knocking together, then grinding, as if holding back a sob or wail.

Raph crying? In another dimension maybe, after losing Master Splinter, or Mikey or Donny. Impossible that he'd cry over me near death's door. I'm trying to wake up. I am!

There's his voice again, "Back in the day I always thought I was gonna be top turtle. I was strongest, bravest…"

I'm holding onto that light for a moment longer and then the demon's back, grabbing at my mind and ripping it's claws over my heart! I'm dieing and I can't stop!

It's a long time in the belly of that beast before I'm able to fight my way through. Raph's finishing his recounted memory and I'm reliving it with him. I understand, he wants me to wake up and he's angry that I haven't.

"Uh, I don't even know why I told you that story I-I guess you just…I mean…what I'm trying to say is-"

His voice stops and the demon has vanished. I hear everything now, not just his voice. I draw from his strength and struggle against the injuries keeping me down. My eyes flash open twice but all I manage to see is him there.

His hand covering half his face and tears building behind his eyes as he parts them again. He's staring at the floor, then I notice my father's hand on his shoulder.

Joy spreads through me as I hear the long missed voice of my sensei, "Your brother hears you Raphael. He understands."

I'm going to wake up. There's no argument, my family is waiting and I'm selfish for staying lost for this long!

Raph walks away and my energy is lost but it's ok because I'm going to wake up. I have the will, now my mind and body just need to rest for awhile but I have to wake up again, at least for just a few seconds, so they know I'm ok.

"Leonardo, my son."

That's my sensei, my father's voice. I can hear everything again, so now I can relax. I don't need the strength his voice, presence and story is giving me because I'm going to wake up. My father is so kind, giving unnecessary strength to me. I just need to rest a little while and then I'll be up again and he won't have to worry.

His memory closes with the softening of his voice and I just know then that I have to fight to open my eyes. They've become lead and have been welded shut but I'm not going to let that stop me!

I still and gather my energy because now I'm not afraid!

"Is he-?"

My baby brother, Mikey. I have to wake up! NOW!

I struggle and I fight until the black gives way to gray and then the gray fades to white.

I'm not afraid!

I have no fear of this!

I push the sounds from my throat, past my tongue and out into the air.

"No…Fear."

Now there's no black, no gray and no white, just my world in front of my eyes.

An explosion and they're cheering. My brothers, my father our friends April and Casey, they're all with me. I see my sensei brush a tear from his eye and smile. Of course my smile's more than for just that. It's also because my little brothers are smiling and cheering the loudest. They're happy and that makes me happy. That comes with being the older brother.

Raph's suddenly next to me, "We thought you were gone bro."

Yeah, I wanted to admit. I thought that too, but it's hard to die when my family's calling for me. Especially when my hot-headed, little brother needs me to chase away a demon. He'll never know how he chased that one from my mind. Maybe I'll tell him in the future.

I tell myself, that's the day I'll reveal that I like the nickname "Fearless Leader" as well.

Oh, how I love my little brothers.

As I feel myself slipping into sleep that my body and mind desperately call for I glance over at everyone as they leave the room.

Master Splinter seems at ease, a calm resolution after a terrifying tragedy is avoided. April looks as if she's meekly impressed.

I can guess her thoughts, "Ambushed by 100 foot soldiers, fought by Hun, torn apart by Shredder's elite guard, being thrown through a window, nearly being blown up and yet he can still pull himself out of a coma."

Mikey has a look of pride on his face, as if he just watched one of his favorite heroes do something impossible.

Casey reminds me of Raph at this point because he looks ready to punch something. I have a feeling that that anger is directed at the foot, Hun and Shredder.

Donny, the poor turtle looks like he's smiling but holding back tears at the same time. Raph I almost laugh at because a rare dopey grin is on his face. One that beats even Mikey's and he keeps smiling. I deepen my breathing and close my eyes as he turns back to me.

"Hey Leo, if you need anything, I'll be right outside."

I open one of my eyes and see his eyes squint a bit as he holds back tears. Tears of relief.

Yeah, your big brother's ok Raph. He isn't leaving you.

* * *

My first time writing in Leo's POV.

Well, what do you expect me to do? They keep canceling school.

~Moonsetta


End file.
